The Moustache Grower's Guide

Sales on razor blades must be way down these past few years because there are 'staches 'o plenty everywhere your look.  Yet another book on growing and caring for these tummy ticklers has arrived, The Moustache Grower's Guide is now available for only ($10).  With over 140 pages of detailed images and dioramas of 30 different styles of mustaches you can spend the next year growing and styling each one.  Kind of like collecting baseball cards but instead you'll be collecting an empty bed at the end of every night because the mustache is like hoohaa repellent.   I'm putting all my money in mustache wax stock.